I don’t consider myself to be a popular person. I have been quite the opposite. I am a loner. It may seem funny to most but it’s true. Growing up I was shy, soft spoken and very intelligent. I discovered I had a natural ability to read people early on in life. I would know if they were good or bad. I didn’t make friends easily. I was my momma’s first child and I was a girl. So she sheltered me and kept a close eye on me. Elementary school was easy. It was easy to make friends because as kids we are innocent. There was no prejudice among us. As we got older and we began to change and mature some of us grew apart.

I can account for 2 long term friends. One from the age of  9, unofficially and I will explain that in a moment and the other from the age of 16. Those that I do not mention, please know this for the sake of an example and don’t feel left out. Plus, most of you are more like family than friends and you know who you are. I will call them Friend #1 and Friend #2

Friend #1 Encounter

As children we visited our grandparents in Rolling Greens Apartments almost every single day in the summer months. This particular day I was wearing a t-shirt and some cut up shorts my Aunt Elaine made for me. Those were her signature shorts. I believe she started that fashion trend. We were playing in the “circle” and this young lady my age dressed in her Sunday’s best, whom I never met had something negative to say about my cut up shorts my Aunt Elaine made for me. End result of talking about my shorts, was a beat down. Her and her little sister went into the house crying and it all ended with my mom cussing her dad out through their window. Long story short, from that day forward Friend #1 and I fought every day we saw each other from the age of 9 until the age of 14. It was quite funny now that I think about it. We had our last fight and some special fairy dust was sprinkled on us and some how we became the best of friends that day and then boys also came into the picture then. Friend #1 and I are the best of friends to date! We have never, ever had a falling out or disagreement and we are always there for each other when needed and we do not live in the same state!

Friend #2 Encounter

I recall my early teenage years and I remember playing outside having a great time. The back door opens, then the screen door opens and they appeared my mother, what happened next would embarrass anyone….she would yell “Siiiiiiiiccccciiiiiillllllyyyy” to the top of her lungs. It was if she had a bull horn. As embarrassing as it was, that was her way of telling me that it was time to come in the house. Obviously, if I was not in range of the sound of her voice, I was in big trouble. I couldn’t leave the porch.  I couldn’t have boyfriends, I couldn’t talk on the phone, because it was my fault the phone was disconnected because I was bored from being stuck in the house all the time babysitting my sisters and brothers, so decided to take up a hobby of calling the infamous “Party Line”. I ran that bill up so high. I didn’t like going places or meeting new people. Well after years of being sheltered and cooped up in the house, my mom told her friend’s daughter to come over our house and get me because I didn’t like people..lol. I still don’t like people. Friend #2 came to the door knocked on it and I answered. She said “your mom asked me to come over here to get you. Why don’t you come outside?” I politely told her “NO” and closed the door. You see Friend #2 used to fight all the time and be in all kind of mess. I remember because I spent a whole lot of time people watching. I ended up giving in and giving friend #2 a try. We became great friends. We were broke at the time so we would borrow each others clothes and shoes to extend our wardrobe. Back then I had a scary curl and her mom was a hair dresser. She gave me a relaxer and cut that curl out of my head and gave me a cute short cut and she worked a miracle on Sicily at the time. It built my confidence up even more. You see, I didn’t care what people thought of me then. My mom taught us to mind our own business and to treat people how you wanted to be treated. I remember my grandmother telling us “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. Friend #2 and I share some great high school memories. Then when I graduated and went to the Army and she had a daughter and our lives changed. We stayed friends over the years but we sort of grew apart. It was because of Friend #2 inviting me to church that I gave my life to Christ July 25, 1999. My life wasn’t bad at all then. I left home at 18 and vowed to myself that I wouldn’t be broke another day in my life. So I’ve worked and worked and educated myself. Unfortunately Friend #2 and I grew apart. I have so many fond memories with Friend #2. Just growing up as 2 broke teenage girls…we should have had a camera crew following us back then.

Those were 2 examples of my relationship encounters early in life. Over the years I have developed a knack for knowing when or when not to allow someone in my life. I call it the “Asset or Liability Assessment.” How will this person negatively or positively influence my life. Any situation whether business, friendships, personal relationship you should have some way of assessing the pros or cons or the plus or minus’.

Asset can be defined as:

1. A valuable person or thing

2. Something useful in an effort to foil or defeat an enemy

So by definition I can say a person that is an asset is one who can add value to you and help you when it’s time to get down and dirty…lol (just a little humor) or your time of need and vice versa.

Liability can be defined as:

1. Something or someone that causes problems

2. One that acts as a disadvantage

3. Debt

I have developed my own way of determining who should or should not be allowed into the time and space of my life. I have never been on to befriend people. Somehow they are just drawn to me. First, I ask myself “What do they want from me.” Believe me, you know people by their conversation. Pay close attention to what they say. What they say is what they believe and what they believe is what’s in their heart. Scripture says, as a man thinks in his heart, so is he, and out of the heart flows the issues of life.” Time reveals all things. Next I ask the following:

1. Do they need to be in my life?

2. How would they be beneficial to me? Will they add to my success or will they take away and be a distraction.

3. How long are they supposed to be in my life?  Is it long term or just for a season.

Many times I just know right away not to fool with someone at all. My spidey senses (discernment)goes off and says “danger Will Rogers, danger.” For those of you who don’t know, that’s a line from the tv show back in the day called “Lost in Space”.This evaluation method has saved me from a whole lot of mess. Now everything isn’t perfect of foolproof, but this is a sure fire way to weed out a lot of drama.

Now we will tie all of this back into Friend #1 and Friend #2

Friend #1 and I have known each other since the age of nine. We started of as enemies and we evolved to a wonderful healthy friendship. Sometimes people and friendships grow and mature at the same pace you do, which is good. You guys are on the same path and the same level. Your communication is good. You can bring a misunderstanding to them and you can discuss it like adults without either party getting offended. Money isn’t an issue between the two of you. Money can be the root of all evil. Especially when it comes to friends. Fortunately money has never be a problem between Friend #1 and I. I value her opinions and she values mine. When I am wrong she tells me and I receive the correction and adjust. We have been a shoulder for each other to cry on. We have confided in one another and not once has what we discussed left either of us. That’s a true friend. I thank God for her. We are friends to the end!

Friend #2 and I have know each other since the age of 16. I thank God for her. God put her in my life during the most difficult time in my life. We share many memories, laughs and good times. I wouldn’t take it back if I could. But as time went on we grew apart. I remember someone asking me “What happened between you and Friend #2?” I thought to myself and I simply replied “She didn’t need me anymore.” You see whenever Friend #2 had a need, she would call me and I would meet it with no problem. She was my friend and that’s what friends are for. Honestly it was a one way street for the most part. Until one day my ex-husband and I had both been laid off of our jobs and it was a little difficult, but the Lord was still providing. I remember her calling me and telling me how she got her income tax and all the things she was going to do with it. I didn’t say a word, I thought to myself, “she knows all that I am going through right now but not once did she offer to help me out.” I didn’t say a word, I have too much pride. Honestly, that day was when I realized our friendship was based on what I could do for her and not what we could do to help one another. To date, I love her to death. We just don’t talk much. I just know what level our friendship is on. I am okay with that because I evaluated the situation and adjusted accordingly.

I have a funny friend encounter story:

I was in the bathroom at a club and this young lady compliments me on my skirt that I had custom made, asked me for my number and we have been the best of buddies every since. We are great travel companions as well. We don’t see each other often because our schedules don’t allow, but when we do, it is always epic and memorable in a good way. We are the dynamic duo!

You see people are in your life for a reason and for a season. Make the time you share with them count. Don’t be selfish. We all need each other in one way or the other. One day you can be up, then the next day you can be down. Never forget where you came from because you never know who you are gonna need. You reap what you sow, the law of reciprocity. Sir Isaac Newton and the Laws of physics explains it quite simply. Please click the following link.  Newton’s Third Law of Motion It’s a great read. It has some great examples.

Now, how you treat people is very important. Treat them with respect. Treat them how you want to be treated. You never know, someone can come along and treat you way worse than you treated others in your life. It’s not pleasant to get a taste of your own medicine. Do good and good will come back to you. Evaluate yourself. Are you an asset or a liability. If you are the latter then you need to change how you think and do some soul searching. Find out why you do what you do and deal with it. Make peace with your past. Forgive who you need to forgive or ask those you have hurt to forgive you for the wrong you have done. Self evaluation is very important and it is the key to any relationship coupled with healthy communication.

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. It was with great pleasure and humility that I am writing this!

A healthy friendship can clearly be defined as two people who are there for one another, to support one another, whether good or bad.#sicilytalks #sicilyhasspoken