Growing up as a young lady I loved music. I remember a song By Miki Howard called Love Under New Management.  As a kid I loved the melody and I just sang the words, at least I tried, but not as effortlessly as Ms. Miki Howard. The very first verse stood out and never left me: “Experience is a good teacher.” I also recall my mother telling me “Sicily, learn from my mistakes.”  As a teenager it was just words to a song, but now as an adult, those same five words spoke volumes to me. In this song she is talking about love, however experience can apply to every area of our lives. Life is all about lessons and we should learn from every lesson that is presented to us.

Experience, according to Merriam-Webster can be defined as:

1. The skill or knowledge you get by doing something

2. The length of time that you have spent doing something (such as a particular job)

3. Direct observation of or participation in events as a basis of knowledge

4. Practical knowledge, skill, or practice derived from direct observation of or participation in events or in a particular activity

5. Something personally encountered, undergone, or lived through

Experience and Love

The first verse in the song is as follows:

Experience is a good teacher

It takes someone like me to know

All the games people tend to play

Some call it love

It never has a chance to grow

You deserve something better, I kept telling myself

just be patient, true love you’ll find

I finally found someone who became my friend

and in a matter of time real love stepped in

The close sign on my door, I had to tear it down

a new world of happiness turned me completely around

Love is a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person. I remember the first time I thought I loved someone.  It was in high school and I was sure he loved me in return. Then there were other girls and he had a baby on the way and then I left home and went to the Army, my eyes were opened and I realized I deserved better than  that so I moved on. Thought I found love again but fell into the same thing over again, multiple women and another baby one the way. Closed that door, thought I found love again and I married, and it was love, coupled with some adultery then forgiveness, then love again, then abuse then unfortunately divorce in the end. Then I thought I found love again, started out fair and honest, then lies and deceit, then more lies and deceit, then another baby. I had to evaluate myself and ask myself why do I keep repeating the same cycle and lesson over and over again. Life is like taking a test, you have to pass and if you don’t you have to take a make up test until you do. So here I am again. I have loved and I have lost and now I am faced with the question…what did you learn and what will you do to keep from making the same mistake again.

After evaluating myself and my situations I came to the following conclusion:

1.trust your instincts

2. don’t overlook the red flags

3. demand respect at all times

4. don’t give more than they are willing to give

5. set boundaries and don’t be afraid to leave

6. know your worth and value yourself

7. don’t believe everything people tell you. do some research

8. make a decision and stand firmly behind it. don’t waiver

9. don’t mistake love for lust

10. really take the time to get to know someone and I am not referring to sex. Keep sex out of the equation. Get to know their families. Observe how they interact with others. Pay close attention how they react to drama or stress or difficult times. how they treat their children and parents.

11. do they have a history of violence

12. do they have work ethics. can they keep a job. how well do they handle money and finances.

13. are they supportive, compassionate, do they communicate well on all levels

14. do you enjoy the same things. are you compatible

15. do you share the same religious beliefs

16. are they handy and resourceful

17. don’t rush into a relationship. be patient. Often times we rush into something for the fear of being alone, then we end up back at square one again because we rushed into something that wasn’t meant to be in the beginning. We always need to check our motives behind what we do when we do it. Many times we know we shouldn’t be doing half the stuff we get ourselves into

18. last and not least…if they never change, will you be able to deal with them for the rest of your life?

We all have been hurt by a significant other or a spouse. The most important thing is to forgive. Your life will be miserable if you continue to walk around life harboring unforgiveness and bitterness

Keep hope alive. Mr or Mrs. Right will come along and you will know for sure. Just be patient.

The rest of the Lyrics to the song

I’m in love under new management. someone very special came into my life

Nobody, nobody can take his place, he filled my empty space

There is nothing like someone who can take care of business

you know we treat each other so well

and back together came all the little pieces

its time to celebrate I never thought I could

hey girls can I talk to you for a minute I know you’ll understand

you see I was in love with this guy

that really wasn’t worth my time or day

but when you’re in love nobody can tell you nothing

so I just kept on waiting and waiting

hoping he’d fill up all the empty spaces in my life

everybody tried to tell me about him

but it’s nothing like leading a blind horse to a pasture

you see they can smell the grass, but they just don’t know their way to it

but girl, just when I was about ready to throw up my hands and give up on love real love walked in

I’m talking about the kind you can hold on to in the middle of the night

it seems like he turned my entire life around

and I’m through with all these old love games

and them guys messing around with so many girls I can’t even name

You see a new world of happiness turned me completely around – Miki Howard

Well you see I am a single woman and the man in my life right now is Christ and he fills my voids and he taught me what true love is, you see there is no greater love than that of a man who would lay down his life for a friend. That’s love, unconditional.

“Love is patient and kind; it is not conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope and patience never fail. Love is eternal. I Corinthians 13:4-8 Good News Translation

There’s still hope – SicilyTalks